Do you sometimes feel exhausted when it comes to spending time with your family and extended family? Do you sometimes feel yourself being too extended as in “stretched” to your mental, emotional and sometimes physical limits? Then you feel “expended” – as in tired and used up.
To “expend” means to spend, to use up, as in “expendable”:
able or intended to be sacrificed, as in war.
Are you expend-able? I hope not!
This holiday season (and everyday) make sure that you are enjoying your extended family… not using them up and certainly, not letting yourself be used up either!
TIP: Remember, “We teach people how to treat us!”
If you teach people to take advantage of you — of your kindness, of your being responsible and accountable, being fun and happy, being a giver — guess what? — they will! Not because they are bad people, or “users,” but because humans are pattern seeking creatures. We like patterns, we depend on patterns of behavior to feel in control, comfortable and safe.
Your job is to keep from creating or supporting patterns that keep you or others from being “expended”; to keep your energy and very life from being sacrificed.
Figure out what you want and don’t want and let others know. Then you can say “yes” or “no” easily as you’ve already laid down the ground rules, or at least your preferences.
YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO SAY “NO” TO OTHERS, WHICH IS REALLY “YES” TO YOURSELF
I teach this truth a lot in my programs. That your NO to someone is actually a YES to yourself. So, you have to figure out what your YESES are to you before saying YES or NO to anyone.
And, those around you who have been taught and patterned to take advantage of, to be needy, demanding and helpless will not like it… “Oh, well!” Sadly, you might have a been a great teacher, but it’s time to step out of that position, especially when those people around you are adults.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Your challenge here is to figure out what you really want. What you are saying “yes” to so that you can say “no” with gentle and easy confidence. No fight. No resistance. No struggle. No war.
Don’t miss out on the joy of the season, of spending time with your precious family. No matter how well, or not, you get along, they are your family!
Stay at-center this holiday season, no matter what happens! This too (it all) will pass!
Happy Holidays! Kim