DrDeClutterBlog.com

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Valentine’s Day has an energy all its own. It’s bursting with love and giving, receiving and happiness for all of those who partake in it. How easy is it to give love?

Have you ever heard someone say, “It’s not my job!” There are plenty of simple opportunities every day where we can jump in and spread our love around. We can pick up where and when someone else dropped the ball, trash, plan, project, idea, care or whatever. Doing it out of a neutral place is the challenge. No griping, anger, ego or resentment. Just do it out of love.

LOVE IS A VERB

All kinds of us say, “I love you” every day, but sometimes it’s necessary to make it a VERB, showing others what it looks like (in action) to be loving and giving, not just say it.

Love for the planet, for mankind, for animal and plant and insect-kind takes action, even in the smallest of ways. Do it and move on, or don’t of course, but be open to doing it, no matter how big or small the task.

I pick up trash whenever I see it . . .  about 80% of the time. I’ve limited myself to 80% because I wouldn’t get much else done if I detoured to pick up a cup or piece of paper or whatever every time I saw one! I just feel better when it’s put where it’s supposed to be. And, I bless, yes, bless the person who discarded it unwisely or accidently. It’s not my job, but it is my planet.

There a lots of examples, but two from a few years ago really stay in mind:

1. Bert Brady made a difference as part of the “Welcome Home a Hero Program” in Dallas, TX  in 2007 welcoming home soldiers coming off planes. Friends, neighbors and strangers rallied around Brady and made a big difference for those service men and women.

2. British tycoon Richard Branson offered a $25 million prize before the world’s scientists on February 9, 2007 seeking to spur research into devising ways to suck greenhouse gases out of the air. Branson said, “Man created the problem, therefore man should solve the problem.” It’s not his job, but it is his planet.

What can you do to not just show love, but BE love… in action?

You don’t have to have $25 million to allocate to an issue that was “dropped” by others, but you can give some time to fixing, picking up, putting back, sharing, helping out, volunteering, taking care of, etc.

So, even when it’s not “our job,” we can pitch in do our part, no matter how large or small, to be a positive change-agent in the world.

Love is a verb, it is action. Do it, and move on! It’s not your job, but it is your planet.

Did you set your New Year’s Resolutions? How’s your motivation holding up?

Unfortunately, it’s the human condition to follow the “path of least resistance.” We too easily fall back into our normal, lifelong routines, habits and patterns falling short of our intentions and goals. Our New Year’s Resolutions are put on the back burner, forgotten and joked about. Another year can go by without moving ahead one step toward our dreams and desires.

HABITS DIE HARD

Studies show that it takes 21-days to change a habit. I disagree. My experience, and the input from the thousands of people I’ve worked with over the years, say that it takes 21-days of conscious effort to realize you even have a habit! Then, if you truly want to change it, the work begins!

What is on your dream list?

What would you like to change, lose, gain, increase, learn, experience, find, create, build, etc.?

3 STEPS TO YOUR DREAMS (YOUR GOALS)

Making the following three basic components to goal setting and achievement a priority – that will in turn help you to get, stay motivated and take the right actions toward your chosen outcomes – you’ll be able to stay on course to realize your worthy goals and long held dreams.

1.  A plan.
2.  Support.
3.  New routines.

Prioritizing these three pieces of the dream machine in place, you’ll be
- cranking out those new products
- singing up a storm on your new recording
- going to press with your new book
- starting up the company of your dreams
- starting that new job
- meeting our soul mate
- increasing your income
- moving into your new dream home
- gaining a new body
- spending more time with family, your children or yourself
… whatever you truly want.

BUT, I NEED HELP! I JUST KEEP GETTING STUCK!

If you fall short in the SUPPORT, INFORMATION and MOTIVATION Departments, I would love to help you get there from here, wherever there is.

I offer Priority Coaching by telephone.

Get a free 20-minute consultation with me by phone to discuss your needs.

Email me at kim@drdeclutter.com to schedule your Priority Coaching 20-minute free consult and find out how I can support the changes you desire.

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You will get the help, guidance, brainstorming sessions, challenging assignments and exercises to move you out of out-date routines and patterns and more to see the changes you want in any area of life.

If not now, when? Happy New Year and NEW YOU!

Kim

Do you sometimes feel exhausted when it comes to spending time with your family and extended family? Do you sometimes feel yourself being too extended as in “stretched” to your mental, emotional and sometimes physical limits? Then you feel “expended” – as in tired and used up.

To “expend” means to spend, to use up, as in “expendable”:

able or intended to be sacrificed, as in war.

Are you expend-able? I hope not!

This holiday season (and everyday) make sure that you are enjoying your extended family… not using them up and certainly, not letting yourself be used up either!

TIP: Remember, “We teach people how to treat us!”

If you teach people to take advantage of you — of your kindness, of your being responsible and accountable, being fun and happy, being a giver — guess what? – they will! Not because they are bad people, or “users,” but because humans are pattern seeking creatures. We like patterns, we depend on patterns of behavior to feel in control, comfortable and safe.

YOUR JOB

Your job is to keep from creating or supporting patterns that keep you or others from being “expended”; to keep your energy and very life from being sacrificed.

Figure out what you want and don’t want and let others know. Then you can say “yes” or “no” easily as you’ve already laid down the ground rules, or at least your preferences.

YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO SAY “NO” TO OTHERS, WHICH IS REALLY “YES” TO YOURSELF

I teach this truth a lot in my programs. That your NO to someone is actually a YES to yourself. So, you have to figure out what your YESES are to you before saying YES or NO to anyone.

And, those around you who have been taught and patterned to take advantage of, to be needy, demanding and helpless will not like it… “Oh, well!” Sadly, you might have a been a great teacher, but it’s time to step out of that position, especially when those people around you are adults.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Your challenge here is to figure out what you really want. What you are saying “yes” to so that you can say “no” with gentle and easy confidence. No fight. No resistance. No struggle. No war.

Don’t miss out on the joy of the season, of spending time with your precious family. No matter how well, or not, you get along, they are your family!

Stay at-center this holiday season, no matter what happens! This too (it all) will pass!

Happy Holidays! Kim

• How many friends, real friends, do you have?
• Do you have a good, positive and uplifting support system?
• Did you know that it’s imperative to your health to have them both?

Complete health is characterized by not only the absence of disease, but also a high level of both physical and emotional well-being. Exercising regularly, watching your weight and not smoking are important choices for optimal health. However, they do not guarantee good health.

YA GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS….
Start taking more Vitamin “F!” Research shows that if you have and work on maintaining a satisfying social life and connections, you are more likely to be completely healthy — healthier than people who don’t.

TIPS: Keep your friendships and social network strong by having fun and sharing experiences. Here are some ideas.
1. Take your ‘Vitamin F’ Daily! Don’t just text! Pick up the phone and really have a conversation with your friend. Just call anytime, don’t wait until you think it’s the right or “best” time. Sure, text or email often, and have fun on Social Media, but really talking with and hearing your friends voice is the best way to communicate.
2. Invite friends over to play cards or a board game (not always TV! and not always food or drinks.)
3. Schedule weekly get togethers for creative and fun outings, or innings! Visit a museum, art gallery, listen to music, go to concerts, festivals, exercise together, go out to eat — activities and events where you can share and talk and enrich your friendships and interests that create deep and long lasting memories and bonds.
4. Join a group with shared interests: Join a civic group, hobby interest group, hiking club, travel group — BUNCO!-BINGO-BOOK CLUB or SCRAPBOOKING! — religious or spiritual group, or a recreational sports or dance group.
5. Hey, I know… create a group or start a club! You may have heard of the Red Hat Society or other such groups. As an example, the Red Hat Society has become an international social club almost overnight through one or two friend’s ideas of like-minded women getting together and having fun! Start your own! If you have an interest in something, others do to!

The choices are endless. Don’t sit at home alone. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Call, register, get involved — talk, laugh, share, have fun! Life’s short! Here’s to your health!!

“A friend is one to whom one may pour out

all the contents of one’s heart,

chaff and grain together knowing

that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it.

Keep what is worth keeping,

and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

~1866 Dinah Maria Muluck Craik/Pamela Lowery-Welch

To all my wonderful friends around the world… I am so grateful for our years of and ongoing joy of sharing and always being there for one another!

Blissings,

Kim

“Turkey is basically cafeteria food, and tastes better

if it’s served by somebody with a hairnet.”

~ Garrison Keillor on Turkey Confidential, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and keep the spirit going all year long.

Kim, “Dr. DeClutter”

Does the clutter in your house interfere with or limit your activities, your life and your joy?

I have had more than one client who is

• frustrated with unfinished projects sitting around because parts and pieces to finish the project are “somewhere”
• unable to redecorate their home due to the fact that clutter is in the way and overwhelming them, they can’t focus on and stick to their projects
• closets are spilling over into other areas of the house
• doors to bedrooms can’t even be opened due to piles and heaps of indecision

If you have so much clutter in your home that it has taken control of your time, thoughts, energy and discussions about your life… it’s past time to change!

THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

Make your project go much faster and have much more fun by inviting your friends, your pals, over to help out! Guarantee them that you’ll feed them, laugh a lot and help them when they’re ready for help! You can give them a Confidentiality Contract of Silence if it helps you feel better!

PREP & MAKE A PLAN

1) Plan a half or full day.

2) Schedule it with a pal or two, or ten to come help you.

3) Choose one project or area of a room, or more depending on the time and helping hands.

4) Get your sorting containers ready for: keep, toss, mend/repair or clean, projects in process and to donate.

5) Get good eats ready.

6) Jump in!

7) Plan how the donation boxes will get to the thrift or charity stores and get them moving out. Out. OUT!

ENJOY YOUR PALS AND THEIR GOOD HEARTED HELP

We all need a little, or a lot, of help now and then. Dump the “inner clutter” about all this – the embarrassment, fear, guilt and shame – out the window! Our friends love us “no matter what!”

This is also a great exercise in growing and deepening your relationships. It’s good for your heart, mind and health.

Plus, a pair of fresh eyes and energy may help you to see where you might use better containers, systems or furniture placement to make your home more functional and streamlined. Hey, give ‘em a paintbrush while they’re there and really refresh your space!

Have fun!

These folks are amazing! A pirate ship sunk into their front lawn with skeletons and such all over. A lot of work went into this one. They rock!

Yikes! The cracken monster!

No shortage of detail went into this.

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Thanks folks for a great Halloween treat! Daughter “Wednesday” was there too! How fun! What great Halloween memories.

Also, strangers came to them and gave the all kinds of stuff to make it even better! How fun! They gained new friends by having fun. That’s the way to live.

HAHAHAHA!

What makes you laugh? Sometimes it’s the oddest thing–a joke, something you see, a child having fun. What brightens your day? I like quirky things, hence, the joke above!

Laughter is SO important. Have you ever noticed that when you’re laughing you forget about all the things that otherwise make you angry, stress you out  or even make your body feel its aches and pains?

Laughter.

What is funny to one person may not be to another, but laughter is our best medicine especially when what tickles us is light and easy and does no harm to self or others. I.e., no poking jokes at or ridiculing and shaming others. That’s just not okay.

Laughter has been called “inner jogging” for all good reasons. It jogs your muscles and cells and organs all around. Especially a big belly laugh, the kind that makes you start choking it’s so funny!

This picture almost got me coughing I was laughing so hard.

Laughter can help you stay well, mentally, emotionally and physically. We don’t laugh enough. Kids have us beat hands down in that department. Kids just laugh… just to laugh! As we grow older we lose that. We need to get it back.

Laughter. Don’t spend another hour without a chuckle, giggle, eye-roll or smirk that signifies that for even one suspended moment you were not thinking, fretting, worrying, controlling, or stressing over something. You were floating in the ether’s of humor — good for the soul, mind and body.

• Read the cartoon section of the paper everyday.
• Play with your pets, children or someone else’s.
• Watch a comedy movie, TV show or go to a comedy club.
• Be around people who are fun and funny and bring you joy.
• Read Gary Larson and Calvin and Hobbs books!
• Join Facebook and LIKE happy, funny people like Star Trek celebrity, George Takei. What a Hoot!
• Be around friends more often who are fun and see life lightly.
• Call friends on the phone who you can laugh with easily.

Shift your perspective of life every moment for the lighter side. See life as funny, no matter what is happening.

Look for funny signs and life happening in the moment.

Be a kid again.

Laugh until it hurts!

Your insides, muscles, blood flow, oxygen intake and outgo and everything else in there are leaping and jumping up and down, giving your a “splitting” side ache, sore jaw or tear running down your face . . . in a good way.

Laughter. It’s a good thing.

Brain scans and new technology are helping us find out more about how our brain really works so that we can help ourselves help our brains communicate and work better at work and at home.

In groundbreaking research, Andrew Newberg, M.D., and Mark Robert Waldman have discovered a powerful strategy called Compassionate Communication that allows two brains to work together as one.

12 STEPS OF COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION

In 12 clear steps, Compassionate Communication actually changes our brain structure — as well as the brain of the person we are talking to — in a way that helps establish a bond between people. In this unique state — free from conflict and distrust — we can communicate more effectively, listen more deeply, collaborate without effort, and succeed more quickly at any task.

Using data collected from MBA students, couples in therapy, caregivers, and brain scans, Newberg and Waldman have seen again and again that Compassionate Communication can transform a difficult conversation into a deeply satisfying one, literally in a matter of a few minutes.

Whether you are negotiating with your boss or your employees, arguing with your spouse, or coping with your kids, Compassionate Communication is a simple and unbeatable way to achieve a win-win dialogue to help you reach your goals. It’s a clear prescription with proven results.

BOOK: Words Can Change Your Brain

In their book Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy, Andrew Newberg M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman say that “sometimes it feels as if the more we talk, the less we are heard.”

Do you glaze over (eyes and brain) when you get too much information at once?

Maybe it’s you who says too much in one conversation and trance others out? Women are especially blamed for this when talking to men! Women think and talk faster then men, but not always in quality thoughts and conversation. However, we tend to process out-loud more this way.

SOLUTION: THE 30 SECOND RULE

Learn the 30 Second Rule when communicating to 1) be heard, and 2) to not overwhelm the listener’s brain so that they can’t hear you.

As a speaker, I talk fast and a lot, but I talk in “nuggets” and “capsules”, “steps” and “techniques” so that though there’s a lot of information, it’s delivered in little memorable and meaningful, understandable and succint packets and “take home points.”

BOOK: Words Can Change Your Brain

In their book Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy, Andrew Newberg M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman say that “sometimes it feels as if the more we talk, the less we are heard.”

Newberg says that “the brain can only handle up to four or five “nuggets” or “chunks” of information at a time. That’s about 30 seconds worth of talking.

You can change this by being more succinct and brief with your ideas so that the listener can really hear you and then respond intelligently because they could process the information. Give a nugget and stop. Let them hear you, process it and then respond.