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Wow! What a role model for being this calm, collected and grateful in such devastation and loss.
Prayers for more blessings and finds for all natural disaster victims worldwide.
Are you a Red Hatter?!
If you want to know what’s going on in the Red Hatter’s world, you must subscribe to Miss Kitty’s Journal to keep in the know! It’s a lovely, glossy magazine that shares so many ways Red Hat Lovers can travel, get together, learn, laugh and love life even more.
MY ARTICLE
My article in this edition’s “The Success of Everyday Living” section is, ” How To Declutter, Downsize And Let Go Of Your Stuff.” This is important information at any age, but especially after 50.
Enjoy this Spring/Summer Edition ladies!
Do you find it hard to declutter the past, family items, memorabilia and such? You’re not alone.
Trancing
Decluttering emotional areas and sentimental items is hard, often very hard. It takes longer and is more emotionally draining than decluttering the bathroom drawers or closets.
When I work with people to declutter the past they will often literally just stop moving and do what I call “trance.” They drift away and can’t pick up any more items. Their minds glaze over and all decision making stops. And, that’s why I’m there. To help them move past the past, one item, box or heap at a time.
Why it’s so hard
You are making a deliberate decisions and sometimes pain-filled choices to let go and start freeing yourself, and your home, from the weight of these things and the past. Be patient with yourself. Take time. Don’t let go of certain things if you are really having trouble with it.
You know the best answers for your own life. Sometimes you have to go with your gut. Sometimes you have to be brave.
Start small
Sorting Containers
1. Things to keep (you may need to return to this box again and cull out at least one more time if you’ve kept too much)
2. To give to others (maybe to children, grandchildren, back to where it belongs)
3. Donation
4. Real trash
For each item you pick up, ask yourself these 4 questions:
1. If my house burned down, would I miss this?
Actually, would I even know I had it? Asking this shocking question several times during any decluttering project really does help get our perspective in balance. We hardly remember that we have 80% of the stuff in our homes, especially from the past. So, if you really wouldn’t miss it or care about it, let it go. Burn Your House Down is also the title of my book and workshop on organizing.
2. Does this item mean something to me?
Often we keep things because we think we “should”. Or, because it is representative of good times, fun holidays, our now-grown children or people we love. But does the actual item, the thing you’re holding in your hand mean something to you?
If not, then the decision to remove it from your home should be simple. Decide whether to donate it or throw it away.
DR. DECLUTTER’S RULES FOR DONATING VS PITCHING
If the item has any life left in it, meaning someone else can use it, donate it.
Let the thrift store decide if it can have another go round or is truly trash worthy.
Don’t send stuff to the landfill that doesn’t have to be trash “yet.”
3. What emotion does this item bring up?
If it does mean something to you, study the connected emotion for a moment.
If there is no strong emotional attachment you can more easily decide to remove it from your home.
4. Would you display the item in your home?
We all keep things that we wouldn’t display in our home. If you wouldn’t display it, then really examine your reasons for keeping it. (Remember, there is no right or wrong here. But the intention is to pare down and simplify these sentimental things.)
RE-DECIDE AND MOVE ON
Once you’ve asked yourself these questions and decided whether to keep the item, donate it or throw it away – you can let go and be happy with yourself.
PLAN B: If You’re Really Struggling…
If you’re really having difficulties letting go, you can box up the firm “maybes”, write the date on the box and 6 months later, if you haven’t missed or needed anything in the box, donate it, unopened. (Avoid this if possible though – you are more likely to hold on to things unnecessarily if you know there is a second-chance rule.)
There is no easy way to declutter and simplify sentimental items, but these questions should help as you move through your storage. Also, know that it does get easier. As you begin to feel lighter and happier in your newly simplified home, it will not be so difficult to let go of things. I promise!
Suggestion:
If you’re really stuck and can’t seem to move forward on letting sentimental items go, I suggest
1. Help from a Professional Organizer like myself who can care for you in the process of your deciding, and
2. My book Letting Go With All Your Might as it has helped many others with this process. Find out more here (This book is available at most of my live programs too.)
Henry David Thoreau said, “Simplify. Simplify.”
To follow his lead, here are two important ways to deal with clutter, get and stay organized and enjoy your life more today.
KEEP IT SIMPLE, LESS IS MORE
Do you have lots of “stuff?” How’s that working for you?
The next time you want to add more stuff to your surroundings, remember this:
Declutter more of the 90% to keep your life more simple.
Declutter and cull out what you don’t truly love, and what doesn’t truly love you back.
Declutter items that are not the special, enjoyable and necessary items surrounding you.
Say goodbye to things that don’t fit, are out of style, tattered or are unflattering. This goes for clothing, furniture, knick-knacks, and other possessions you’re not happy with.
Also, let go of pictures and memorabilia that emotionally upset you, make you sad, lonely, relive grief and lock you into the past. Store them away and let yourself move on.
Comedienne Phyllis Diller said, “Cleaning up after kids is like shoveling snow when it’s still snowing!” Organizing is a learned skill, a life-skill. Be a role model, help your children, your family to learn these skills too, and you’ll be in heaven!
PS – Thoreau died at only age 44. Boy, he did a lot back when things were simpler, and is known worldwide anyway! He was an author, poet, philosopher, abolitionist, naturalist, tax resister, development critic, surveyor, historian, and leading transcendentalist and author of renowned book, Walden, a reflection upon simple living in natural surroundings. Whew!
“Simplify. “
Mental Health care increases 30-35% during January and early February.
Over the past few decades, typically 80% of psychiatric and psychological problems are related to marriage and family, and the rest to professional and job conflicts. Now, we can add major financial debocals and recession and, and, and . . .
Here are some simple TO DO TIPS to manage post-holiday blues.
. . . eat right.
. . . get plenty of rest.
. . . exercise regularly.
Do set realistic goals:
. . . organize your time.
. . . organize your space, stuff and things.
. . . make lists (use a notebook, not little pieces of paper!)
. . . prioritize.
. . . make a budget and follow it.
. . . set New Years Resolutions and Goals on which you can really follow-through and succeed.
. . . find ways to simplify your life on a daily basis (the “blues” can be directly related to feeling overwhelmed and getting little done on TO DO lists that are unrealistic to begin with.)
Let go of the past, embrace the new present and future.
Allow yourself to feel sad, lonely or melancholy when these feelings arise, these are normal feelings, particularly during and after the holidays – and before Valentine’s Day.
Losses throughout the year of any kind, human, animal, health, wealth or of spirit can take an extra toll during the holiday weeks. Here are a few steps to take care of yourself during this time.
1. Make time to grieve.
Set aside time to really feel your feelings, cry your tears and let it all go where it needs to. Your body needs to mourn your loss or change all the way through.
2. Get support from others.
It’s not always easy to ask for help. Being “strong” isn’t smart. Being “human” is. Whether you talk to family or friends or see a counselor or minister, you will find layers of grief just waiting to spring forth when you talk to someone else and tell your story once more.
3. Develop skills that help you remember you are a worthwhile person.
You can let grief control you and fall into a deep depression or illness, chipping away at your self worth; you can ignore and deny it and stay busy, keeping your “mind off of it”; or, you can gain knowledge of how to embrace your pain and grow positively from it.
4. Create a physical environment that supports rather than stresses you.
During the mourning process stress levels increase. You need to create a space where you feel safe, comfortable, quiet when you need it and nurtured, even if only by yourself.
5. Take care of yourself.
There are physical as well as emotional aspects of grief. Exercise increases your strength and stamina and reduces your stress. Healthy eating gives your body the good nourishment it needs. Find quiet time. Schedule a massage to stay connected with your body.
Bottom line, grief is hard. Make sure to take the time to face it and deal with it, otherwise it will affect you for years to come.
You may know the Bible story about Lot’s wife. God told her not to look back on her village and “past” life or she’d turn to a pillar of salt. Well, she looked back.
Every time your attention is distracted into the past you turn to a pillar of salt. Your thoughts and attention literally “crystallize” (like rock salt) into “what was,” not “what IS.” You get stuck in old stories and memories; mental movies unable to stay HERE NOW, open to your PRESENT and move forward.
Most people today are walking, talking pillars of salt. Filled with thoughts, looping memories of regret, remorse, sadness, grief… how do you do this? Do you have items in your home, in your life, or stories that you tell that make you constantly “look back” to your past?
Look around your house right now. What photo’s, greeting cards, knick-knacks, letters, emails, articles of clothing, jewelry, books, gifts, etc. drag your attention into the past? Moreover, into a negative past filled with, “Why me?”, “Why them?”, “Should have’s,” etc.
You can’t open your PRESENT in the PAST! Stay present in your present. Open your present NOW, in the PRESENT!
“Whatever the price, identify it now.
What will you have to go through to get where you want to be?
There is a price you can pay to be free of the situation once and for all.
It may be a fantastic price or a tiny one — but there is a price.”
~ Harry Browne, 1933-, American Financial Advisor, Writer
LEARN THE LESSONS, LET GO, LIVE YOUR LIFE – YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION
Life is about learning from our past and living in the NOW, creating plans for a better FUTURE. It’s time to LET GO (maybe, with all your might!) of whatever is not true for you anymore.
Will “letting go” be easy? Some will, some will not. But decluttering and reclaiming your space for your HERE and NOW “conscious” life is a very important decision and act to do for yourself – it’s in fact a very selfish act… good for you! Reclaim your home and environment as yours.
Grieve your grief, resolve your areas/emotions incomplete and move on, no matter what it was (“was” is the operative word here.) Reset your energy for TODAY and your wonderful FUTURE. LET GO of anything, anyone, any thought, any statements and old stories that keeps dragging you backwards.
“The world is a great mirror.
It reflects back to you what you are.
If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful,
The world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you.
The world is what you are.”
~ Thomas Dreier
GRIEF & DEPRESSION
Upon meeting a person I can pick up if they’re in grief or depression, and I certainly know upon just a few steps into a house if a person is still stuck in their past. I have worked with clients to declutter their outer stuff only to walk, sit and talk about their “inner” stuff – emotions, fears, frustrations, stuck places. Your outer world is a manifestation of your inner world. Start with either. Clean up one and the other will “shift.”
So, look at everything you have and if you get a twinge of remorse, grief, negative longing, sadness, etc., pack it away in storage (some are family heirlooms, etc.) or get rid of it. You can’t have joy and pain the in the same place at the same time. Choose one or the other: why wouldn’t you choose joy?!
YOU DESERVE THE BEST LIFE, EVERYONE DOES
Boy, who’d of thought of that!
My friend Jan just did. I told her about my cashing in my gold crowns recently – see blog post about it here - and she said, “Boy, I’m writing my gold crowns - that are still in my mouth - into my Will before cremation!”
And you were worried about who gets your 1979 almond toaster!
What’s in your Will?
Who gets what after you pass?
Make sure to add your gold and silver too, from teeth, jewelry, flatware and otherwise. Who knows how high the price of precious metals will go by then, whenever you “then” is.
By the way, Jan is healthy and fine, but great at getting things accomplished and thinking ahead.
I watched the movie Simon Burch last night. Wow, what a story! I laughed, sobbed, laughed and sobbed all the way through. Though it won the People’s Choice Award and a few others for child stars in 1999, it didn’t make a huge boxoffice splash, but I think it’s worth the watch anytime.
Jim Carrey, the older Joe who narrates the movie about his life as a 12-13 year old, said about dying (about his mother) something I want to share with you below. It’s also appropriate today on Father’s Day as my dad, Don, died in December of 2008.
“When someone you love dies you don’t lose them all at once,
you lose them in pieces over time.
Like how the mail stops coming.
What I remember most to this day was my mothers scent
and how I hated it when it began to disappear –
first from her closets and drawers,
then from her dresses that she had sewed herself
and finally from her bedsheets and pillowcases.”
I miss all the goodness about my dad – his big sense of humor, laughter and joking, small town hard- work ethics, doing the best he could with what he had and helping others out at every turn.
Sadly, Dad had Crohn’s Disease and several other medical and physical problems most of his life, plus macular degeneration and going blind the last 15 years of his life, taking away his spark and joy.
If you’ve lost your father, today remember all the goodness as much as you can and be grateful that some of it rubbed off on you.
I love you dad, your daughter, Kim.
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