DrDeClutterBlog.com

Mental Health care increases 30-35% during January and early February.

Over the past few decades, typically 80% of psychiatric and psychological problems are related to marriage and family, and the rest to professional and job conflicts. Now, we can add major financial debocals and recession and, and, and . . .

Here are some simple TO DO TIPS to manage post-holiday blues. 

. . . eat right.

. . . get plenty of rest.

. . . exercise regularly.

Do set realistic goals:

. . . organize your time.

. . . organize your space, stuff and things.

. . . make lists (use a notebook, not little pieces of paper!)

. . . prioritize.

. . . make a budget and follow it.

. . . set New Years Resolutions and Goals on which you can really follow-through and succeed.

. . . find ways to simplify your life on a daily basis (the “blues” can be directly related to feeling overwhelmed and getting little done on TO DO lists that are unrealistic to begin with.)

Let go of the past, embrace the new present and future.

Allow yourself to feel sad, lonely or melancholy when these feelings arise, these are normal feelings, particularly during and after the holidays – and before Valentine’s Day.

• Do something for someone else.
• Enjoy activities that are free.
• Spend time with family and friends, people who care about you.
• Spend time with new people or a different set of friends or family.
• Contact someone with whom you have lost touch.
• Give yourself a break: plan to prepare (or buy) one special meal, purchase one special gift, and take in one special event.
• Complete small jobs and projects, or let them go.
• Start a Gratitude Journal. Daily write 3-5 things you are grateful for.

Losses throughout the year of any kind, human, animal, health, wealth or of spirit can take an extra toll during the holiday weeks. Here are a few steps to take care of yourself during this time.

1. Make time to grieve.

Set aside time to really feel your feelings, cry your tears and let it all go where it needs to. Your body needs to mourn your loss or change all the way through.

2. Get support from others.

It’s not always easy to ask for help. Being “strong” isn’t smart. Being “human” is. Whether you talk to family or friends or see a counselor or minister, you will find layers of grief just waiting to spring forth when you talk to someone else and tell your story once more.

3. Develop skills that help you remember you are a worthwhile person.

You can let grief control you and fall into a deep depression or illness, chipping away at your self worth; you can ignore and deny it and stay busy, keeping your “mind off of it”; or, you can gain knowledge of how to embrace your pain and grow positively from it.

4. Create a physical environment that supports rather than stresses you.

During the mourning process stress levels increase. You need to create a space where you feel safe, comfortable, quiet when you need it and nurtured, even if only by yourself.

5. Take care of yourself.

There are physical as well as emotional aspects of grief. Exercise increases your strength and stamina and reduces your stress. Healthy eating gives your body the good nourishment it needs. Find quiet time. Schedule a massage to stay connected with your body.

Bottom line, grief is hard. Make sure to take the time to face it and deal with it, otherwise it will affect you for years to come.

You may know the Bible story about Lot’s wife. God told her not to look back on her village and “past” life or she’d turn to a pillar of salt. Well, she looked back.

Every time your attention is distracted into the past you turn to a pillar of salt. Your thoughts and attention literally “crystallize” (like rock salt) into “what was,” not “what IS.” You get stuck in old stories and memories; mental movies unable to stay HERE NOW, open to your PRESENT and move forward.

Most people today are walking, talking pillars of salt. Filled with thoughts, looping memories of regret, remorse, sadness, grief… how do you do this? Do you have items in your home, in your life, or stories that you tell that make you constantly “look back” to your past?

Look around your house right now. What photo’s, greeting cards, knick-knacks, letters, emails, articles of clothing, jewelry, books, gifts, etc. drag your attention into the past? Moreover, into a negative past filled with, “Why me?”, “Why them?”, “Should have’s,” etc.

You can’t open your PRESENT in the PAST! Stay present in your present. Open your present NOW, in the PRESENT!

                                     “Whatever the price, identify it now.
             What will you have to go through to get where you want to be?
      There is a price you can pay to be free of the situation once and for all.
               It may be a fantastic price or a tiny one — but there is a price.”
                  ~ Harry Browne, 1933-, American Financial Advisor, Writer

LEARN THE LESSONS, LET GO, LIVE YOUR LIFE – YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION
Life is about learning from our past and living in the NOW, creating plans for a better FUTURE. It’s time to LET GO (maybe, with all your might!) of whatever is not true for you anymore.

Will “letting go” be easy? Some will, some will not. But decluttering and reclaiming your space for your HERE and NOW “conscious” life is a very important decision and act to do for yourself – it’s in fact a very selfish act… good for you! Reclaim your home and environment as yours.

Grieve your grief, resolve your areas/emotions incomplete and move on, no matter what it was (“was” is the operative word here.) Reset your energy for TODAY and your wonderful FUTURE. LET GO of anything, anyone, any thought, any statements and old stories that keeps dragging you backwards.

                                                 “The world is a great mirror.
                                          It reflects back to you what you are.
                          If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful,
                      The world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you.
                                                 The world is what you are.”
                                                          ~ Thomas Dreier

GRIEF & DEPRESSION
Upon meeting a person I can pick up if they’re in grief or depression, and I certainly know upon just a few steps into a house if a person is still stuck in their past. I have worked with clients to declutter their outer stuff only to walk, sit and talk about their “inner” stuff – emotions, fears, frustrations, stuck places. Your outer world is a manifestation of your inner world. Start with either. Clean up one and the other will “shift.”

So, look at everything you have and if you get a twinge of remorse, grief, negative longing, sadness, etc., pack it away in storage (some are family heirlooms, etc.) or get rid of it. You can’t have joy and pain the in the same place at the same time. Choose one or the other: why wouldn’t you choose joy?!

YOU DESERVE THE BEST LIFE, EVERYONE DOES

My friend Jan just did. I told her about my cashing in my gold crowns recently – see blog post about it here - and she said, “Boy, I’m writing my gold crowns - that are still in my mouth - into my Will before cremation!”

And you were worried about who gets your 1979 almond toaster!

What’s in your Will?

Who gets what after you pass?

Make sure to add your gold and silver too, from teeth, jewelry, flatware and otherwise. Who knows how high the price of precious metals will go by then, whenever you “then” is.

By the way, Jan is healthy and fine, but great at getting things accomplished and thinking ahead.

I watched the movie Simon Burch last night. Wow, what a story! I laughed, sobbed, laughed and sobbed all the way through. Though it won the People’s Choice Award and a few others for child stars in 1999, it didn’t make a huge boxoffice splash, but I think it’s worth the watch anytime.

Jim Carrey, the older Joe who narrates the movie about his life as a 12-13 year old, said about dying (about his mother) something I want to share with you below. It’s also appropriate today on Father’s Day as my dad, Don, died in December of 2008.

“When someone you love dies you don’t lose them all at once,

you lose them in pieces over time.

Like how the mail stops coming.

What I remember most to this day was my mothers scent

and how I hated it when it began to disappear –

first from her closets and drawers,

then from her dresses that she had sewed herself

and finally from her bedsheets and pillowcases.”

I miss all the goodness about my dad – his big sense of humor, laughter and joking, small town hard- work ethics, doing the best he could with what he had and helping others out at every turn.

Sadly, Dad had Crohn’s Disease and several other medical and physical problems most of his life, plus macular degeneration and going blind the last 15 years of his life, taking away his spark and joy.

If you’ve lost your father, today remember all the goodness as much as you can and be grateful that some of it rubbed off on you.

I love you dad, your daughter, Kim.

I love movies, and had not heard of this one when it came out. Well, “Two Thumbs Up” is for sure!

If you think you know what you want in a mate, this movie will remind you to think again, in the best of ways!

I loved it!

Buy it, rent it, see it soon! It’s got everything, and it’s great.

I just presented a 90-minute teleseminar, “When Life Gives You Lemons, Put ‘em In Your Bra! How to Lift and Separate the Challenges of Change.”Over 700 people registered. Thank you to my host-ess, Dr. Meggin McIntosh who is awesome! Thanks Meggin! 

We all have ”Lemons” drop into our lives, everywhere and all the time. The ability to overlook and overcome their sometimes stressful and destructive activity in our lives takes a lot of conscious effort.

Getting from the old normal – ”the way it was” – to the “new normal,” the way it’s now going to be can be the hardest of all. New normals don’t come wrapped in a bow all the time, and usually we have to let go of a lot to have them become familiar to us. If we can be mentally flexible enough to bend and reform with it, we’ll get there, and we will get all the benefits from the journey.

My friend Stephanie and her family from Ft. Collins, CO has been learning this one in big giant steps the past few months. Her 19 year old daughter Rachel was in a car accident and sustained head injury. She’s now been out of Craig Rehabilitation Hospital for a few weeks and doing really well.

Today, the Care Pages message (what a wonderful healthcare online system to keep family and friends in the loop) from Stephanie and her husband Steve, both eloquent and funny writer, was inspiring as always.

In order to get settled into your “new normal”, make sure to keep lots of good family and friends around! Ask for help. Let people help you. Pay for help! It’s okay. Here is their most recent chapter in Rachel’s healing story.

It is great for all of us to be home! As Julia said, “We can return to our New Normal.” On Saturday, Aunt Brenda and Mer, took Rachel on a short field trip to see Mer’s horse, Angel, at the Barn. It was a short but very fun trip. Rachel also introduced “Doc” (another horse) to Aunt Brenda. A nice trip out of the house!

It is so good to be home! Rachel has continued her recovery Journey while we were in Montana with Aunt Brenda and the therapists who are working with her at our home. Aunt Leslie took her to Denver to get her brace for her right leg. She wears it 3-4 hours a day and anytime we leave the house. It seems to do exactly what the PTs hoped. She is getting much stronger and her gate is getting smoother every day. She can walk a long block the brace and without getting too tired. As the Louise, her PT, reminded us . . . first strength, then stability and finally endurance.

Rachel’s core is amazingly strong as she continues to do exercises with the fitness ball, pulleys, our kitchen counter (parallel bar replacement)and therabands twice a day. The regimen takes about 1-2 hours to complete. Rachel is completely cleared to do stairs holding on with one hand but does not need to have us walk beside or in back of her…we just need to know she is heading up or down.

Rachel’s Speech Therapist, Nancy is working with her to get word recognition, intonation, speed and fluency…I am reminded that in early-September Rachel was just starting to say words and starting to form small phrases. She read from one of her Art History books to Aunt Brenda this weekend. Working on memory, retention and cognitive skills are a long process.

Yesterday, Rachel starting using the Wii Fit the Kathy and Mike Slavick have loaned us. It is fun and therapeutic. Her favorite thing is to do the Penguin and Fish Balancing game. Louise hopes to incorporate the Wii into her daily activities. Rachel was introduced to it at Craig and we really wanted to keep using it. Thanks to the Slavicks we can!!!!

Rachel is now eating entirely with her right hand! Some of her favorite things to eat are more of a challenge than she thought…but worth the extra work…especially chips and salsa. She takes time to eat, and the rest of us are learning to follow her pace which is much healthier!!! We want to say “thank you” to the Lieurance and Payton families for the good food for Rachel and Brenda while we were in Montana.

This morning when Steph asked Rachel to write a note on a box. Pere proudly announced this morning that Rachel now has better handwriting than he has. This is not that much of accomplishment given his penmanship skills, but it made Rachel smile. Rachel can now write with her right hand…just a few words at a time.

Take care and thanks for all the warm thoughts and prayers for our family. Sweet dreams!

Love,
Stephanie, Rachel, Julia and Steve

I just received this amazing email from a client of mine, Joni Hibbard. What a great example of a mom, widowed not long ago, who picked up the pieces and with her two young children (daughter Lea adopted from an orphanage in China several years ago) is stepping into a wonderful new adventure… in China.

I’m sharing her lovely email below and have left in their blogs info so that you can follow their journey anytime too! 

Dear Friends and Family… Finally!!
 
Tomorrow the kids and I leave for China. We will be primarily in Beijing from Sept 20th to Dec 4th. We will make some trips to Xian to see the Terracotta Warriors and possibly south to Lijiang and stay in an ancient village and take a horseback ride in the mountains. I hope to get invited to visit Lea’s orphanage, but we will have to wait and see if that will be possible.
 
Each of us has created a website where we can blog and post pictures:
 
     web.me.com/leahibbard
     web.me.com/maxhibbard
     web.me.com/jonihibbard
 
This past January, I went to Beijing for 5 weeks by myself to get TEFL certified to teach English as a Foreign language. If I teach English while I am there, it will be private tutor sessions I can fit into our travel schedule.
 
Let us know what you think about the websites! I am home schooling the kids this semester and they have been going to Apple One-to-One classes and created their websites themselves. They have also been making slide shows and doing a little video editing. Max has created his first YouTube video!
 
Also, find us on Skype and give us a call for FREE!! Best time to call is the evening here in the US, which is morning in China.
 
Joni

—

What adventures for a day, a few days or weeks or months, like Joni and her children, can you create this year? Make sure to share them with me in my Comments section so I can share them with my readers too!

Don’t just let this long weekend fly by without thinking about the real significance of Memorial Day.

Here in the United States we observe Memorial Day this weekend.

What is it … more than a long weekend off work for some, cookouts and festivals? 

The very reason we have a Memorial Day / Weekend is to take the time to remember all of the soldiers, military men and women who have served and have died so that we can have our freedom. I like freedom. I’ll assume you do too!

Here are some quotations from US leaders that sum up the real importance of Memorial Day.

“It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.

Rather we should thank God that such men lived.”

~ General George S. Patton

“And they who for their country die shall fill an honored grave,

for glory lights the soldier’s tomb, and beauty weeps the brave.”

~ Joseph Drake

“We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers,

but to praise them.”

~ Francis A. Walker 

“A hero is someone who has given his or her life

to something bigger than oneself.”

~ Joseph Campbell

Enjoy and remember…

PS  Every day is Memorial Day! Start a daily ritual where you stay quiet for even 30 seconds and remember and bless and appreciate all those who have given up their lives and freedom to give us ours. The more we remember and appreciate, the more peace and love we are vibrating out to the world… maybe, just maybe we won’t need a Memorial Day in a century or so.