DrDeClutterBlog.com

Ahhh, the holidaze!

Jewish families have already begun celebrating Hanukkah, and before long, Christmas family gatherings will begin.  Can’t you just see it? Feel it? A beautiful Hallmark-Card-TV-Special-Normal-Rockwell-Painting!

No?

If you’re already downing antacids and complaining – to yourself and to others – about the next few weeks, I want to remind you of a few things that may help you experience your holiday family time with more joy and less stress.

Families Are A Collection Of People You Didn’t Necessarily Choose 

First, remember that families are just a collection of people . . . who you may have never known if they were not your “family.”

I use the following question hundreds of times a year in my presentations and workshops, see if it helps you immediately:

“If your family wasn’t your family, would they be your friends?”

“No?”

The answer is usually “no!” Not for all of them, but for some for sure.

Families come together through generations and circumstances that are out of our control. Even if you “choose” to marry someone and you become a “family,” it doesn’t mean you are good friends and that there is a positive flow in your relationship. Add to this that we choose, or draw to us, relationships who match the patterns of past family experiences we have had and we keep getting the same kind of people in our lives over and over again.

The people that make up our “families” are a collection and variety of diverse individual personalities. Some you like, some you adore, some you wish you’d never see again!

Because most of humanity is pretty unconscious, most of your family members have no idea that their behavior is inappropriate, irritating, mean-spirited, unkind or ungracious. We all react to our learned insecurities and fears, some more than others. Some know exactly how to push your buttons and do it intentionally.

Different likes and dislikes are one thing–cycle racing vs. ballet; stuffed bears with closets of their own “cute” clothes vs. bear hunting trophies–but when people are downright rude, cruel and manipulative, you need to be prepared and emotionally ready so that their undertow doesn’t ruin your celebration “one more time.”

Strengthen Your Boundaries and Plan Exit Strategies

When you know you’re going into a crazy-making situation with family, or even friend’s families, it’s best to be prepared to take care of yourself first, even if you plan to leave early.

Some things you can do:

1. Smile and buffer your hearing around loud-mouths and Debbie/Donnie Downers. Literally just don’t listen or hear what they are saying, because it doesn’t matter to you anyway.

2. Plan your way out when you’re ready to go. This may mean the whole shebang or just that moment with that one person. Whether you have to “stage right” for the bathroom, “help” in the kitchen, or “go out and check” something, you can get away from the frustrating situation for good or for a while.

3.  Change the subject. Feel free to change the subject mid-sentence into their 3 hour agonizing story!

4. Cell phone distractions. Today’s “phone in a pocket” works great for a quick stop-and-segue. “Oh, my phone is vibrating… hello? Oh, excuse me, I have to take this… in a another room!”

NOTE: Cell phone use and texting can be really rude! So, don’t be the one checking-out this year using your phone as a buffer to actually having fun in the moment with your real family.

5. Have ready-to-use canned phrases to get yourself, or even as a rescue attempt to get another family member out of their pinch. 

6. Tell the truth! Yikes! This one is really hard, but sometimes we really do need to stop the madness and just say, “I’d like to change topics to . . . “, or “I’m not comfortable talking about Aunt Sally one more time, can we talk about something else?” Waking people up is a very good thing for the planet!

7. Breathe and think your own good thoughts, no matter what is happening. If you’re with these people for days, and you can’t leave, take short breaks, breathe and focus your mind on your best thoughts for your world. It doesn’t last forever and you don’t want negative stuff stuck on you for days and weeks and years to come.

8. Don’t take it seriously. I know people who are still talking about “the Christmas of ’89″ and how much their family made them nuts! Let it go! Nothing in life is serious in the big picture. It only gets overwhelming when we take it seriously and personally and let our picture of it and life get too small. Enjoy the people and parts of your family celebration that you can and let go of the rest.

More great tips for sanity are in my ebook, Holiday Stress BE GONE! The Complete Self-Help Guide on How to Change Your Holiday Experiences for GOOD! This book is filled with checklist and pre-planning ideas to take care of you all year long.

Happy Holidays!

Kim

How to create world peace and wellness (joy makes up happy, happy heals our body!)one food court at a time!! Excellent, thank you Flash Mob! …course, it does make me hungry for all kinds of junk food!

.

Whatever your plans, whatever you do this Thanksgiving, and holiday season to share and break bread with others . . . here are 10 Key things to do that will help you have a better experience.

1.) Lighten up!

2.) Choose your battles.

3.) Don’t sweat the small stuff!

4.) Enjoy whomever you’re around and with. NO MATTER WHAT! 

5.) Don’t over eat, over play, over work, over analyze or over organize!

Thanksgiving 8000 Calorie Poem
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
and your pies take the prize,
and may your Thanksgiving dinner
stay off your thighs!
~ Unknown

6) Have fun. Lots of fun.

7.) Rest, relax, let go.

8.) Preplan everything just to the point of feeling in control of your week, letting others know what’s going on, get done what you really want to get done, and see, do and experience what you really want.

9.) UNPLUG! Get away from the computer, iphones, cell phones, etc. Shut them off (don’t even leave on vibrate!) while with family and friends. Make “face time” really FACE time while being with others.

10.) Make your holidays memorable for all new and fun reasons.

 “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.”
~ Irv Kupcinet

“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”
~ Erma Bombeck

11.) BONUS: Remember to feel and give thanks. If you’re alive and well and reading this, you’ve already won the lottery. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Kim, “Dr. DeClutter”

My audiences (and really, about anyone I meet!), hear me share a few nuggets of wisdom (okay, lots of nuggets!), but the nugget that is near and dear to my heart and that is a core issue for so many people, especially women, is …

“If your family wasn’t your family, would they be your friends?”

NO!!!! (Run screaming!)

Staying focused on your life, decisions and choices takes courage and strength with family, but especially during the holidays.

Blessed are they who have functional families who live, work and play in harmony. If you have this kind of family, bravo! You may want to read on for the rest of your friends!

I am not insulting anyone. It’s just a fact that many of us, in every generation, grow up in families where we have little or nothing in common with these people called “family” with whom we are suppose to freely love and share our time, plans and joy.

Many of these people we don’t really know, or like, don’t want to talk to, are needy, act like helpless victims, are trouble, etc. AND… it’s our job to love them anyway. What a Catch-22, eh? Sometimes we love them best at an arms length, sometimes a couple of states or countries away-length! It’s also our job to protect our hearts, time and sanity while caring about them and loving them as much as we can.

Taking care of yourself is imperative when around family who are hard to be around. You will have to say “no” sometimes and maybe more often than you have been. They will not like it! They will not like you! My gem of an answer to this is, “Oh, well!” (You really have to hear my say it in person to appreciate it fully!!)

If you find yourself griping and complaining and “venting” more often than not about “them”… it’s time to re-evaluate who you are in your relationship with “them.” You also must remember that we teach people how to treat us! There is some “retraining” necessary to change what is happening.

A long-time friend called last night and needed a “reality check” and to vent. Her parents are going to the hospital yet again and asking her to “take care of them” on the trip and afterwards, “again.” My friend, I’ll call her Joy (!) has a sibling who lives just down the block who will not take any part in helping out. Her excuse is that she has a job and kids and can’t leave. Joy is self-employed, her parents don’t see her “job” as serious and that she can take off anytime and care for them. She also has plans for travel and business trips on her calendar which she’d have to cancel and lose, as she did once already, if she says “yes.” Guilting, tears, whining and martyrdom ensued.

Joy was headed for trance-ville – confused, angry, stressed and overwhelmed. She called knowing that she’d get my standard permission line and gems of guidance:

1. YOU HAVE PERMISSION to say NO.

2. Life is very short.

3. Their story is their story, not yours.

4. And… your story is your story, no one else’s. 

Every time you are asked to do something for others, making their crises-du-jour more important than yours, and you jump and lose yourself to take care of them, I call that being “user-friendly.” You need to weigh the events and situations each time of course, but jumping unconsciously over and over again will surely keep you off any solid path for your best life.

Most importantly, make sure that you do have a positive and honest support group of friends, and/or professional group who can help you get to the core of YOUR needs and necessities around your family so that you don’t lose yourself and another couple of years and opportunities for happiness and well-being.

So, I must bring it up now… the holidays are here! Run screaming!!! 

I really do want you to have the best experience this year, which means you’ll need the best armour, solutions, tools and keys with which to deal the most effectively with YOUR family and the trancing we call Holidays.

I strongly recommend you order my ebook HOLIDAY STRESS BE GONE! The Complete Self-Help Guide on How to Change Your Holiday Experiences for GOOD! , you will find it in my online store . You’ll find several other ebooks and my book Letting Go With All Your Might there too, dealing with family and situations where you have not learned healthy boundaries but are ready to be more courageous and strong for the rest of your life.

If your family wasn’t your family, would they be your friends?

Happy Holidays, from me to you.

Kim

Are you ready yet? You’re down to the wire now! 

 If you’re not at least half-prepared, you probably should be wholey-scared!

What does Thanksgiving mean to you? It’s meant to be a time of remembrance, warmth, peace, family and thanks, not a holiday of stress and chaos. I want to help you out this year and offer you a plate of easy ways to stay organized for a more enjoyable, less-stressed Thanksgiving Day.

PREPARE FOR EVERYTHING
Even in the 11th hour, get lists, to do’s and to done’s going now, not at the last minute. Do yourself a great service, make a list of the things you want to do to make the day a special one and reference your list so you don’t forget them. TRAVEL
If you’re traveling, and haven’t been making your list and checking it six times, do it quick!

PREPARE. 1) Make your travel plans; 2) make your packing list. Keep it close and check items off as you’re putting them into your luggage.

    Big tip here… take this list with you and use it to repack when you’re ready to return home. Recheck all schedules and tickets before leaving home.

   Tip for next year: It’s helpful to travel a few days before Thanksgiving and return a few days after the Thanksgiving rush.

NIX PERFECTIONISM AND STARRY EYED IDEALISM
One option… leave cooking and cleaning behind! You heard me… let go.

Here’s the bottom-line: 1) Busy? Kids gone? Too many this year? Tired? Not-well? (as opposed to sick!) Tired of doing it all and getting no help? Instead of making the whole turkey, ham or other dinner, and making yourself nuts, make reservations instead. That’s right, let go of have to’s and shoulds and go out for Thanksgiving dinner. Come back to the house for a great pumpkin pie and fun desserts, coffee and hot chocolate. Keep it simple and fun. Or, order in. You can get the whole deal from a lot of restaurants and grocery stores now, including organic grocery stores!

ANYONE FOR TURKEY?
Okay, you’re going to do it. If you already have your turkey, it’s in the freezer waiting or thawing. If not, determine how much room you have in your freezer and refrigerator, and how many people you will be serving.

    Tip for next year: Pre-order your turkey. Not enough freezer room? Ask a neighbor or relative who has the storage space to help you out. Don’t wait to the last minute to defrost that bird! And, rather than defrosting a frozen turkey in water on the big day, defrost it a few days ahead in your refrigerator instead. This saves tons of time and stress.

MARTHA STEWART INVITATIONS READY?
Don’t stress yourself over perfectly appointed and hand-made invitations. Pick up the phone and call! You also get the RSVP almost immediately, and don’t have to call them anyway when you did send the invitations and they still haven’t sent the confirmation back or called!

CHECK YOUR SUPPLIES AND INVENTORY
Get out your guest list, count and check your supply of chairs, tables, dishes, glasses, pots, pans, serving plates and utensils. Not enough? Call ahead to buy, rent or borrow anything you don’t have.

PLAN YOUR MEAL
Planning ahead is lovely — but even at the last minute, get paper and pencil out — plan your meal from appetizers to dessert in writing first. Make a list of all ingredients and items needed. Go shopping with your list checking items off as you put them in your cart.

GET AHEAD: COOK AHEAD, BAKE AND CREATE AHEAD
This is not your grandmother’s Thanksgiving! Don’t get stuck in the kitchen on Thanksgiving while family and friends are playing and having fun without you… again. Think freezer. They’re a good thing! Make any meals that you can well ahead of time, and freeze them. When needed just defrost, heat and serve.

THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING… AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE…
There are things you can do the night before Thanksgiving to set yourself up for a less-stressed event. Set the table. Get the good silverware out of storage. Lay out your wardrobe–and your kids’ wardrobes. Check your list. You’re going to love yourself for this!

WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS HOLIDAY TO BE?
I started off this article with… What does Thanksgiving mean to you? It’s meant to be a time of remembrance, warmth, peace, family and thanks, not a holiday of stress and chaos.

Before dinner and football… how do you and your family share thanks and gratitude? Whether it’s a family tradition, ritual or surprise, some people prefer to stop and say “grace.” Others prefer to simply have a moment of silence. Still others like to make time to read a Thanksgiving Story or a poem. Again, ask for input and make a list of what you and others would like from this special day and make sure to share it. It’s a great way to create, continue and instill a wonderful family tradition.

READY FOR NEXT YEAR!
Too early? What this means is to take the time after Thanksgiving to go back over your prepared lists and plans and see what you can alter for next year that will make it even easier, better and more stress-free for YOU! The sooner you do this the better off you’ll be year after year.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Kim

P.S. Get more tips and ideas to help you for every event in the future! 

I want to suggest pages of great tips like this for all holidays and events in the future in my ebook, Holiday Stress BE GONE! CLICK HERE to find out more and order. Give as a gift!

Oh! Have you seen the new “Forever” stamp? They were the bell, that got old to look at. Now, they have beautiful pine cones. See above left. Yea! Those can work for Christmas stamps!

No, it’s really not too early to get out your holiday cards and get them organized and ready to mail when it’s time.  

This time of year the “snowball headed for crazytown” is already moving. If you don’t get holiday cards set up to go, they may not happen at all (again) this year!   

1. SELECT CARDS

Dig out what you already have. Are you sure everyone has gotten those cards already and you don’t want to buy more? Talk to a few friends and see if they have cards left over. Trade! What a great way to recycle and reuse like new!  

2. PHOTO CARDS

If you send photo cards, great! So, unless you have a tiny infant, you’re not going to change much between now and December! Take your picture now and have it ready. You can even order the cards in the next few weeks and have them ready to go in early December. 

 3. GET THAT ADDRESS LIST IN TOP SHAPE

Gather up all those scraps of paper with new addresses and torn off address labels and put them all together in one spot. It’s OK if you’re not putting them in an Excel spreadsheet! Handwriting, or just typing into a WORD doc is fine. 

4. TAKE TIME TO REALLY WRITE YOUR HEART THOUGHTS

To do all this work and just sign your name is a little crazy. Really write a nice long note. Starting now, you can do a one or more a day and really tell your story. 

5. FORM LETTERS

Form letters have gotten a bad rap over the years. But, personally, I like them. As an example, my friend Lisa who lives in Switzerland, is not on Facebook and such, and could of course email me photos of her kids and husband, but every year she puts together an awesome form letter with photos and stories of what they’re all doing. It’s really nice. So, I say, do it! It’s nice to see what people gather into a front and back piece of paper to share about the story of their life for the year. You might just learn something new!  

My friend Mary in Nebraska always has a really funny letter, with photos of her family and input from each member. Very fun.

Start putting it together now so that you don’t rush later and wish you had included some story, event or photo.
6. ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES

Weather you hand write your envelopes (Martha Stewart would!!), or you run them out on labels from your computer, just do it! If you love the personal touch of handwriting, then start now. 

7. LET THEM FLY!

Not only will you be ready to pop them in the mail before most people have even started thinking about Christmas, but you might even have legible handwriting because you won’t be rushing.  

8. STAMPS

If holiday stamps aren’t out yet you can hold off on stamping them until you’re ready to take the trip to the Post Office.

Get ahead of Halloween “stuff” storage before it’s here and gone!

What happens to your Halloween costumes and decorations after Halloween is over? Too many times they end up in a lump in the corner of some closet. Plan now to be ready for next year.

1. Get large rubber tubs and label them for costumes and decorations.

2. Place your items gently in, keeping only what you know you’ll most likely use next year.

3. Sort out what you won’t use again.

4. Recycle: Ask friends if they’d like any of your items for their kids for next year, or donate to thrift. (Keep out of the landfill as long as possible!)

5. Put your well organized, tidy and well labeled tubs in storage for next year!

Did you already stock up on Halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters?

If not, here are some alternatives and ideas for HEALTHIER SPOOKY TREAT!

If you have the time to make your own treats, here’s a list (the recipes - click here.)

• Caramel Honey Apples
• Take-Along Snack Mix
    Divide this up into individual resealable snack bags for distribution.
• Spice Pretzels
    Divide this up into individual resealable snack bags for distribution.
• Dough Pretzels
    Make these with your kids as a fun afternoon activity. Twist into Halloween shapes such as pumpkins and cats.
• Spicy Roasted Soybeans
    Their salty-spiciness is a welcome contrast to the sweetness of the candy.
• Spooky Honey Popcorn Balls
  A great project for the kids. Wrap in individual wax paper bags.

NON-FOOD TREATS 

Go to the local party-favor shop and get non-food items too. And, without adding more clutter! to the house, some of these are really fun for kids, and they will “use them up” with a little reminding. Some ideas include:

• vampire teeth
• party-favor sunglasses or other cool toys
• small cans of play-doh
• noicemakers (some that blow out the roll of paper ‘without’ the whistle!)
• temporary tattoos
• bubbles

Once your kids are back from their adventure remember to manage the candy and its consumption.

NOTE: Diet gum, candy and other man-made-chemical-aspartame-laced-”treats” are not on this list.

I know, it’s still AUGUST! But . . . the stores have been advertising Christmas stuff since last month to get ahead on holiday sales.  

Do you ever notice the music from “JAWS” in the background as the holidays draw closer?

It’ll be a while, but not that very long from now all joy is going to break loose! Are you ready?

I have created a Pre-Holiday Planning Tool Kit for you. It’s a must if you want to make this holiday season better, saner and filled with more of what you really want. Yes, starting now is the best time, especially if there is travel or family gatherings involved.

“For some, holiday time can bring visions of sugarplums,

parties, and visits with family and friends –

for others it can also bring a rash of stressful energy

and emotions, hours spent shopping for the “perfect gift”,

demands of travel, disappointment, loneliness,

unresolved grief and depression.”

From Holiday Stress Be Gone! ebook

If you’d like to have a better holiday experience this year, start now to create it!

Use simple and proven steps to find, keep and enjoy your “peaceful center,” feel calm again — or for the first time in a long time — and enjoy the upcoming months and slide into Christmas.

“Dear Kim, WOW! I love this book. The lists and assignments were a life saver
for me the past year. I now use your guidelines to plan ahead for everything.
I’m less stressed, happier and much calmer about everything.
Thank you so much!” ~ Anna, Dallas, TX

HERE’S THE PERFECT STOCKING STUFFER!!
Tired of hearing your family and friends gripe about the holidays? Here’s a great gift for them! Order it for “them!” They’ll thank you! (No shipping and handling either!)

Good all year long. No matter what time of year it is, pre-planning is a must in order to change your next holiday experience to a better one for yourself and your loved ones.

Buy and read it now and forever know your peace!

Like my presentations, this book is packed with immediate guides to help you redecide, let go and move on to where you really want to be.

You’ll get
· assignments and hands-on exercises,
· practical tips and methods for change,
· eye-opening factoids,
· true stories,
· inspirational quotes and stories,
· humor,
and for lots of fun pictures that are entertaining and poignant.

Ebook PDF file format. Only $12.00 — delivered to your computer screen upon order verification!  Click here to find out more and order!

Don’t create one more holiday season of struggle when the solutions are right here, right now. Don’t lose another holiday season to past memories and anxiety. You and your family deserve better!

Happy Pre-Holiday Planning Season!

Kim

Have fun this holiday weekend.

Here’s a fun site with lots of cool ideas for the 4th if you’re at a loss for something new.

http://www.celebrations.com/4th-of-july